On Re-Entry

I never thought that going back into the country where I was born, grew up, and generally happy (before I left it) would be so hard. The Dominican Republic changed me in ways that I couldn't have imagined...some of those changes I can put into words and some of them I cannot.

When I first came to the DR, I was SO shy. If I didn't know how to say something, I didn't. I usually faded into the background. If you know me, you know that I'm not shy, until I meet new people. Imagine me in a new situation--the people are new, the city is new, the country and culture is new--it was basically a disaster. In four months, I've become bold. Not overbearing or demanding, just more sure of how to communicate what I want/need. (I think if I had learned this earlier I would have switched families before I did).

I also realized how complacent I was. I (and the majority of my friends) can dictate my daily routine to you without problems. EVERY day for me is the same--wake up, eat breakfast, class, lunch, lab, dinner, homework, bed. Always. Without fail. I think this is better described as comfortable--and that's a hard thing to admit and to overcome. It's hard to force yourself out of the comfortable and into the unknown, but I did it. Now that I'm back into the comfortable situation that I left, I'm trying to force myself to not fall back into the same routine. I'm trying to find ways to challenge myself. In the DR, every single day held (at least) one challenge. Every day. There was nothing comfortable or familiar about my life there, and at the time I saw it as a challenge or something that was hard for me to get over. Now, all I want to be is challenged.

I was so ignorant, (and still am, in some ways). I look at my perceptions of what the Dominican Republic would hold for me, and I couldn't have been more wrong. I feel more educated, more enlightened. My only problem is how do I tell that to my friends and family? How do I share with them everything I learned and all of the lessons that I learned?

I hate starting every sentence with "When I was in the Dominican Republic..", but I feel like I've been doing a lot of that lately. I've been trying to keep my mind occupied here, and haven't allowed myself much downtime. I found out my first night here that downtime is when the sadness comes. (And it's SO quiet here compared to what I'm used to!) I've surrounded myself with people, and am planning to go back to school tomorrow to see all of my friends.

My only problem now is that I have yet to come up with an answer to, "I'm so glad you're home!" In my heart of hearts, I can't agree. I'm glad to be back with the people I have here, but I feel incomplete and not quite whole.